Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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