I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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