I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
