So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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