I skipped work to stalk him.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
