matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Randomize
