Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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