fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I want her autograph on my taint
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize