he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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