He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
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My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
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The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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