the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
it's great music for shaving your balls
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
