11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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