dude i'm inner monologue high
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
