dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Randomize
