On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
