$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
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