dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
