she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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