omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
