I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
