In the future we'll all be gay
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
