Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
