You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
