So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
