last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
