bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
