you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
