I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Randomize
