we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Is it because I queefed?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
