butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
