do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize