Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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