so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
