he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
