Already got asked if we're dating
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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