Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.