I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
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I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
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I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
If its not for food we ain't going out.