I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?