go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship