she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
