i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it