Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy