sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
