atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
