One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Is Oprah even human
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
