I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
