when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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