whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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