Already got asked if we're dating
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
