I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
