you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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