Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I wish I only lived at night.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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