Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
