Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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