Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
