Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
