I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize