i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
