so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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