o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
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