morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
