Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Randomize
