Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
