If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Randomize
