All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
