just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
