Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
