he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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