Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
