Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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