I'm going to jail i love you
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
