I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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