would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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