I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
She told me I should be a condom model.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Randomize
