I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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