the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
