GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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