This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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