You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
