just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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