All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
