I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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