And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
