U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
