I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I want her autograph on my taint
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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